I listen to the Dave Ramsey Podcast on a regular basis. I find that his manner with callers can sometimes be grating – he uses the word stupid too often and harshly – but one thing that I find most astonishing is that the people who call in often have a lot of issues going on and that finances are usually only one of many major catastrophes going on. Often women call in with husbands that are unresponsive to their emotional state (often the women will slip in some sort of comment about the husband’s emotional abuse, or that there is deception with the finances, or complete apathy. For the record these men suck horribly and should be tarred and feathered). The couple, if you can call two people that live together but seem very disconnected a couple, is in a state of near disrepair and the woman is calling a radio talkshow host for advice because it seems that there is no hope!
The situation comes down to people not knowing their options and so that’s why they call a professional to hopefully help them find that there is hope because there are options. On occasion the option is to sit and suffer. This isn’t a first choice for most folks, but if you’re going to suffer you might as well find some good in it (if you’re a Christian, please consider listening to these messages on value in suffering). Learn from the hard time because they’ll often make the other times sweeter and also more fruitful.
The thing that people are looking for is the first step to reverse the often hundreds of bad steps they’ve taken prior to their point of despair. I have been there, I have done that. What I see in the world of finances as in the rest of the world is that we’re focused too much on now and not enough on where we’re going as well as knowing where we’ve been! There are some personal steps that I take in looking at adversity, they’re not revolutionary, but maybe you’re not familiar with them so I’ll throw them out here for your evaluation.
- Remember who you are. Stop listening to outside voice and sources and evaluate things. If you’re not sure, seek counseling.
- Look at what lies before you. Its an uncertain future, but that’s a good thing! If there are trials then they will bring with them growth, if there are victories (which also come with trials) then those will bring growth. You can only grow going forward if you are looking for the growth opportunities.
- Look at what is behind you. Surely you’ve left some things behind – some of it garbage, some of it treasure, but all of it is behind you. As in a thing of the past. Any baggage you carry is your willful choice to carry. If you’re unable to deal with the past get some counseling, but don’t sit and stair at your despair!
- Who is with you? Often we feel most alone when we’re at a point of adversity. This is often not the case but it is often how we feel. Feelings aren’t stupid, but they can be wrong. Figure out who is around you that you can find support in. If the list is short that’s fine. If for some very, very strange reason you’re absolutely alone, get some counseling and proactively find some friends. I recommend that they not be where you’ve been looking for friends if those places have helped put you where you are now.
- Throw your watch away. Not literally, but one of the things I’ve found that helps time pass is to not be counting the second hand on the clock. If you’re facing financial debt, for example, then you need to get your plan in order for a budget and repayment of the debt and then stay on schedule and stop worrying about the debt on a day to day basis. Worrying about it won’t do anything for it anyway.
In the end you’ll want to make sure that you have strong, established relationships with close people to help you through the tough time, but whatever it is, make the first good choice. Odds are its not the first good choice, but the most recent good choice after a series of bad ones. If you keep making bad choices with more frequent good choices in between its at least progress. Don’t give up, don’t look down, but look up and give it your all.
