If you’re like me you dream of being an Internet millionaire just scraping by.  You wish that you could make more cash from Google Adsense than California has managed to get into debt by.  In case you hadn’t heard, that’s a lot of money [currently just shy of 52 billion dollars].  The best way to make mone like I do with Google adsense is to game the system with hot keywords, but I don’t know how to do that and I’m not interested in gaming the system.  Instead I make slow money as over time total strangers click through on the ads on this site when what they’re looking for (usually adult content, because this site is full of that content) is advertised in a Google ad.

I have, over time, received a very large Google check of $100.00 from Google every couple of what I have come to call “Google years”.  I run no less than 5 sites that have Google ads, but none of them actually generate what I would call revenue.  They’re blogs.  They have content that doesn’t get read often (other than a few pages that are linked to from within Wikipedia, surprisingly).  A Google Year is the amount of time it takes me to get the minimum amount of adsense clicky-clicky revenue.  The speed of light is measured in light years, the speed of money is measured in Google years.  The best way to compare the two is like this: Light years are like the fastest expensive sports car money can by and Google years (for me at least) are like a two wheeled Yugo being drawn by a three legged mule that is blind, missing a quarter of his right ear, and named Edna.  Edna is a boy horse who has been named incorrectly by a very abusive Yugo and mule owner.  Edna cannot compete with the expensive sports car in performance, but Edna moves, steadily forward.

If you want to maximize Google revenue you’ll want to put the advertisements all over your page, but I’m not interested in maximizing revenue, I’m interested in maximizing content.  You will find that I make decisions based on the capitalistic concept of ‘lazy faire’ which means, “let the people click on ads if they want to,” in English.  Lazy fair is Franglish, its English and French in origin and I think I just made it up.  Just like the money in the banks that Google dispenses every Google Year.

Another technique to becoming wealthy through Google is to be good at mathematics.  I understand that they only hire the best engineers, and then give them stock options.  I try to stay away from stock options because the stocks are right next to the gallows and I’d prefer not to get lynched.  Either way, being good at math will not hurt, especially if you have to use it in calculating the change from selling hamburgers at your third job because the Internet Millionaire thing isn’t working out.